Image: DreadXP
Dating apps might be overrated, but dating simulators? Whole new ball game.
Valentine’s Day can be a pretty middling holiday for those who find themselves with nothing to celebrate when it swings around every year. The holiday celebrates couples and the very concept of romance, the latter of which might prove either elusive or unappealing for some of us. If you’re done with the dating apps and are bereft of any way to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year, we have a few suggestions for you.
There is a way to find love outside of the real world – if only for a day. Dating simulators offer a compelling way to dive into love stories – your own, or someone else’s – with a short-and-sweet campaign that often relies on a cast of colourful characters, choice-based dialogue, and bewitching artwork. Put away those dating apps and try these five dating simulators out for Valentine’s Day:
Sucker for Love: First Date
By Timothy Raj Augustin
Have you ever heard a ‘hear me out’ about a Lovecraftian monster? Well, you’re about to. This dating simulator has players step into the shoes of the occult-obsessed protagonist Darling, who somehow gets his hands on the Necronomicon. Upon using a ritual from the book, he discovers that Cthulhu, originally depicted in H.P. Lovecraft’s 1926 horror story The Call of Cthulhu, is in fact just a really cute girl named Ln’eta.
The player will then perform rituals using the Necronomicon to gather smooches from all manner of adorable monsters from the pages of Lovecraftian stories. These characters’ striking designs and quirky personalities won’t make it too hard for you to put the ‘love’ back in ‘Lovecraftian horror’.
I Love You, Colonel Sanders! A Finger Lickin’ Good Dating Simulator
By Anna Bernardo
Are you a fan of KFC’s finger lickin’ good fried chicken? Would you date the the founder of this super successful popular fastfood chain?
If you’ve ever dreamed of romancing a dashing, anime-styled Colonel Sanders, this is your chance. Developed by Psyop and published by KFC, I love you, Colonel Sanders! A Finger Lickin’ Good Dating Simulator puts you in the shoes of a culinary student striving to become the best chef — all while trying to win the heart of the iconic fried chicken mogul. Along the way, you’ll face intense cooking battles, eccentric classmates, and absurd plot twists, all wrapped in an over-the-top dating sim experience.
With plenty of fried chicken puns and an extra crispy dose of humour, it’s the perfect and weirdly charming Valentine’s Day game you can play through.
My Horse Prince
By Arianne Blanco
Yes, your love interest is a handsome boy. Yes, from the neck down he’s also a horse. How does that work? From what depth of hell did this amalgamation of man and horse, not quite centaur, equal parts terrifying and charming, come from? What horrors did the creator of this mobile game go through to be able to make an Otome game to this eldritch degree? Why would anyone even want to play this?
Look, if you’re single on Valentine’s day and are lamenting the fact, My Horse Prince may just be the right kind of weird to cheer your spirits. Yuuma, the horse-man monstrosity, is actually quite the stereotypical Otome hero who can… uh… in theory… sweep you off your feet (pun intended), giving way to lots of questionably heart-throbbing moments that will definitely make you wonder if your sanity left the room the moment you downloaded this game off of the Google Play Store. Have fun! I guess?
Jurassic Heart
By Kurt Lozano
Everyone loves dinosaurs. But for those of you who love dinosaurs, then the dating sim Jurassic Heart is for you. In Jurassic Heart, you accompany your classmate, a dashing young Tyrannosaurus Rex named Taira-kun, to the music store. He's looking to replace a ukulele he dropped and broke (a common occurrence for a T-Rex with really tiny arms), following a performance you encouraged him to give.
Things get awkward as Taira-kun insists on paying for the replacement ukulele himself, so it falls on you to get him to open up his heart, if not his jaws (don't worry, no dinos eating their human friends here). If you ever wondered how a flustered T-Rex would look like as he blushes and stammers while you rizz him up, then why not give Jurassic Heart a spin? You can download the game here.
Hatoful Boyfriend
By Tommy Makmur
Alright, where do I begin? The fact that this is a game wherein you date pigeons, or that these birds are portrayed with photorealistic images? Both contribute to this game being weird – but not unenticing. If you want to experience what it feels like to date an avian companion, look no further; this game is for you. If you want to play a dating simulator with deep characters exhibiting very human (or avian, in this case) behaviour, and a compelling storyline, then this game is also for you. Hear me out!
Hatoful Boyfriend was shaping up to be one of the weirdest games I’ve ever played, until I found out about the “true route." The game started off as a typical dating simulator; you are a high school student in an all-bird school where you are the only human. You can date multiple types of birds, such as doves, quails, and pigeons. Improve your relationship, get through each character's story, and reach the ending. All normal. That is, until you reboot the game and find out that there’s a branch unlocked at the beginning. I won’t go into too much detail here, but if you can get past the bird imagery, I assure you, you will find a great dating simulator with a really intriguing plot.
