Five things we expect at The International 3

We are less than 24 hours to The International 3 and while the players are getting ready, expectations for the biggest gaming tournament in history is sky high. We asked our crew members and gathered their thoughts on what they would like to see at TI3 and this is the list they came up with.

We all saw how Invasion-MUFC performed in the group stage and people are definitely not pleased considering their spot for TI3 could have been given to a more worthy team. Their no-win performance is a huge disappointment especially to their fan who told us all about his unwavering support for the Malaysian team. "I have $200 riding on them and if they win TI3, I will have $8,000. Go big or go home YOLO".

We received reports yesterday that Sharky, MUFC's sixth player and also gaming house squatter, has left Malaysia and is currently making his way to Benaroya Hall. We are not sure about Sharky's intention behind this move but he seemed motivated and confident when he told us that his presence in Seattle will lead to MUFC winning the championship.

Oh yeah, because Sharky is on the no-fly list, he is currently heading to Seattle in a yacht and he is expected to arrive next year. Sharky #boattoti4

In many interviews conducted with Black^ prior to The International 3, the German star carry has mentioned over and over how Burning of team DK is his idol. In a way, both players resemble each other in their ability to farm and for Black^ there is no other option than to say hi to his idol by beating him down with a stick, figuratively.

Our correspondent at Seattle informed us that Black^ and Mousesports intend to play DK in the main event of The International 3 to break the record for the longest game in the history of competitive Dota 2. Although according to our analysts the battle will most likely last thirty minutes, Black^ informed us that the game will definitely go longer than three hours and Mouz's game-plan is to delay DK's push as long as possible until Black^ overtakes Burning by one creep.

Random lightning bolts and inferno lava pits are to be expected from the game and the fans could not be more excited for it to happen. We asked a guy near Benaroya Hall about his expectations for the match-up and he said, "Who the hell are Black and Burning?".

If you are not a complete noob in Dota 2 you know that communication is a vital component in winning a game. When Valve announced the allstars team for The International last week, we were at disbelief that they placed Chinese players alongside western players in a team. How will they communicate? How will they know when to initiate? Many professional players told us that great players will have natural chemistry but is that sufficient? We are pretty sure "nice ah" isn't enough.

This is where Valve's genius idea of the useless chatwheel comes into use. With an auto-translate function and a selection of up to eight commands to choose from including "Stun now!", "Get back!", and "Missing", your favourite allstars are sure to have no problems pulling off the worst initiations you have ever seen. To top it off, the chatwheel could even be customized to swear at sub-par teammates for playing well.

Well Played! Valve.

For nine years and counting, the numerous fans of Valve's Half-Life series have not been happy with Valve's delays in releasing the third installment of their favourite game. Many brought their displeasure to the forums but have still not received any response from Valve regarding the issue. Many naturally assumed that Valve as a whole could not count to three and have slowly moved on.

With The International 3 announced, Half-Life fans all around the world felt outrage and are gearing to occupy Benaroya Hall on the 11th of August in order to get their voices heard. The movement is called #OccupyTI3 and is quickly trending on Facebook and Twitter.

"All these years we thought Valve could not count to three and hosting The International 3 event is a slap in the face for us hardcore fans," said Kirk D`Bag. "Feel free to join us at the demonstration to protest the usage of the number three in the event title".

As it turns out, the hype around the biggest eSport event in the world has spread to affect players and fans outside the Dota 2 scene. More particularly, several team managers and owners have hinted that the cream of the crop in StarCraft 2 will also be tuning to TI 3 instead of playing their matches in the World Championship Series. It’s been said that prolific names like Naniwa, Stephano, MC and MMA have already canceled their flights to the ESL offices in Germany and will just stay at home with cold beer and soju and watch heads fall at Benaroya Hall. Sources additionally told us that reigning WCS Europe champion Mvp purposefully lost his matches last night so that he can have the rest of the week off without having to plan strategies and bullshit like that.

One would think that such an ebb of players is disastrous for Blizzard and their WCS but spokesmen for the company seem to actually indulge the situation, saying that by having contenders for about two and a half matches, the heavy stacking of content in the weekend of August 10-11 will be conveniently avoided. A concurrent viewership of ten will furthermore smooth the experience by ensuring there isn’t a millisecond of lag.